With the Rapture upon us, Geoff and I decided to see what the fine folks at Buffalo Bill’s thought about the whole ordeal. Why Buffalo Bill’s? Because it’s one of the dopest spots in the Bay Area! It’s a brewpub in downtown Hayward and it’s always busy. They usually have half a dozen of their own delicious beers on tap, and the burgers, sandwiches, and pizzas are fantastic. Oh and the nachos? Best nachos I’ve ever had.
I was looking forward to getting a Buffalo, but they had run out! So I ordered up a couple pints of Johnny Midnite Oatmeal Stout instead. It’s pretty similar to Guinness. Geoff was convinced that it actually was Guinness. I dunno. It looks like Guinness.
Okay, onto the interviews! Our first victim interviewee was John the Bartender. Originally from Rancho Cucamonga and now residing in Hayward, John thought the Rapture was just another reason to party. At 6pm everyone in Buffalo Bill’s celebrated by taking beer shots and after closing he was going to a Rapture After-Party.
Down at the other end of the bar we found Mimi (left) and Steph (right) enjoying some wine. It turned out they worked at Buffalo Bill’s and were going to the same after party as John the Bartender. As for the Rapture, Steph said they went out drinking at a gay bar the night before and came to work hungover and she had some words to say about Harold Camping.
Steph: “This guy…it’s the third time he’s called the Rapture and he’s made millions of dollars from people giving him their entire life savings to go to Heaven. So guess what, bitch? If the Rapture’s coming, you’re the first fucking person to be stuck here!”
Out front we met Dane from the East Bay who, although he’s Catholic, didn’t believe the Rapture was coming.
Dane: “I’m part Indian. I can step outside and look and say, ‘Hey, it’s gonna be cloudy today.’ You know what I mean? Some people have the gift of being able to foretell…I don’t believe in it, man!”
Geoff and Dane went on to discuss different religions and religious tolerance, ending with Geoff mentioning that he doesn’t go to any churches, but he’s tolerant.
Dane: “Hey man, you guys are the coolest motherfuckers I met tonight! And I dig what you guys are doin’!”
Jessica (left) and Stephanie (center), both from Hayward, were hanging out in the sidewalk area. They were there celebrating Stephanie’s birthday and were a little underdressed for the nighttime temps. Their friend Black Dave had offered to go get a coat for Jessica, so he was missing when we met them.
Geoff: “So how’s your Rapture been? What did you do today?”
Jessica: “I went to work.”
Stephanie: “I took care of kids.”
Geoff: “Did you manage to kick back and have some fun? What if it really was your last day on Earth?”
Stephanie: “Yea yea, I enjoyed my day and I’m enjoying my night, and now I’m having grown-up time.”
Geoff: “Right on, so what did you think about the whole Rapture thing?”
Stephanie: “It’s bullshit. The Bible can’t be deciphered. It’s not a fucking cook book.”
Geoff: “What do you think?”
Jessica: “The same thing she said.”
Stephanie told Geoff he should interview Shane next. Shane had heard about the coat and Black Dave.
Shane: “You made Black Dave walk home and to get your coat? That’s fucked up!”
Then Geoff asked him what he thought about the Rapture.
Shane: “Well, first I watched the Giants game, and then after that I said the Apocalypse is bullshit. The Rapture…I thought it was gonna be like some giant tyrannosaurus rex jumping out of the fucking ground and just coming over the hill like, ‘rawr I’m gonna eat you! It was ours to begin with you fucking humans!’ Honestly that shit was fucking full of shit. The guy already predicted it in ’94 and then he said ‘Oh wait a minute, my numbers were wrong. Let me recalculate. Oh 2011 was the actual year I was thinking about.’ Nah, that guy’s full of shit.”
Just then John Young came outside. I first encountered John last October when the Giants were on their way to winning the World Series. I caught two games at Buffalo Bill’s, and John was always leading the “Let’s Go Giants!” cheer. I have never seen Buffalo Bill’s as crowded as I have during the Series. John’s friends were in a huge hurry to leave, but he was in a huge hurry to tell us what he thought about the Rapture.
John: “We’ve been trying to spend as much money as we can. It’d make no sense to have a bank account at midnight tonight. I’d like to die signing the check that has the last amount of money in my account. I think I’ve accomplished that today! I work in Utah and I came home for the Apocalypse. I thought maybe it’d be the right thing to do, you know? Like be around friends and family. I’m sorry, we gotta go!”
And then he kissed Geoff. What a character!
A black guy rolled up to Stephanie and Jessica’s table and we thought it was Black Dave. It turns out it was Quincy from Oakland and he had a lot to say!
Geoff: “So what do you think about the Apocalypse. How was your day today?”
Quincy: “Well you know what? The world didn’t even come to an end. You see, I don’t believe in all that shit. But I’ll tell you what I do believe in, and I can prove it. I believe in the fuckin’ Illuminati. I believe the world is ran by rich cocksuckers that don’t give a shit about you and me. And then they buy up politics and really really don’t give a shit about you and me. Now, what are they planning? They’re planning a New World Order, which is a one-world government, very very soon, see? And the way they’re gonna do it is by a universal system of money. How? By collapsing the US Dollar. And when the dollar collapses, it will now feel like the end of the world. But hey, why is no one talkin’ about this shit? You know why? It’s cuz we’re on the phone like this, texting.”
Another black guy showed up, so I asked, “Are you Black Dave?” He replied, “Well, my name is Dave, and I am black, so I guess I’m Black Dave?” Just for kicks we had Quincy interview him.
Black Dave: “This is a black-on-black interview? Okay.”
Quincy: “How do you feel about the world ending today?”
Jessica: “You’re supposed to ask him where he’s from!”
Quincy: “Hey am I doing this interview?!”
Stephanie: “She’s just reminding you of the questions!”
Quincy: “Okay so just tell me what your passion is.”
Black Dave: “My passion? Whoa, you know what? That is a very funny question. I ask myself that same thing all the time. What is my passion? Some people are into golf, some people like basketball, for some people baseball is their passion. I don’t really know what mine is. I’ve been trying to figure that out my whole life. What is my passion? That is one of the deepest questions you can ask me.”
Quincy: “Wow, bro.”
Black Dave: “What is my passion? I dunno. I like business, I like the idea of being one of the few black men in America to be a successful entrepreneur and have a successful — one of the few black millionaires. That’s what I strive to be.”
Quincy: “Now what do you do currently, right now, Mr. Dave?”
Black Dave: “What do I do? I own and operate Logistic Solutions, LLC, which is — we’re a pick-up and — I run a trucking company, I won’t be fancy. But we have other plans in the works.
Quincy: “So tell me, based on today being May 21st and the world did not come to an end, how do you feel about that? How does that make you feel, that the world didn’t come to an end today?
Black Dave: “Well I think no human on this earth can ever determine when the world’s gonna come to an end. There’s only one person that knows, and that’s God. You know? No one knows when this world’s really gonna end. So the Mayan calendar, the 2013, the Y2K, all that is just speculation. It’s people being crazy. I saw the Kirk Cameron movie. You know? But I still think it’s just speculation.”
Quincy: “So what this all basically comes down to is: Do you like tacos?”
Black Dave: “Do I li — I love tacos! What are you talkin’ about? Tacos are the shit! In fact, I eat tacos at least twice a week for lunch. And you know where a good taco spot is? Right over there on Industrial, on Tuesdays during lunch hour between 12 and I think 3, they have like dollar tacos and they’re the shit.”
Quincy: “I like white girls.”
Black Dave: “Yeah! Well me and you have something in common.”
Quincy: “You know why? I think that I’m not like a real black guy. Like, I do like real shit, but for example: me, I have a job, SO I’M NOT A REAL BLACK GUY!”
Everyone: “Hahahahaha”
Black Dave: “We’re in the same club then, bro. Because we don’t go out and bust a cap in a nigga’s ass.”
Well there you have it. The real people of Hayward and their views of Judgment Day, the Rapture, and the Apocalypse. Some believers, some not, but none of them thought it was really going to happen.
.:Bohan
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